When Getting Up Feels Like Lifting a Ton

“My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.”

Matthew 26:38

I know the weight of a sadness that has no clear reason to exist and no set time to finally leave. You blame yourself for not being able to just be happy, as if it were something so simple to decide. I have never demanded that of you, never required that kind of strength.

Even I, clothed in flesh, said my soul was sorrowful unto death, and asked for company in that difficult hour. I don't consider it weakness to need help — someone to watch beside you in the hard hours, a professional who understands what's going on inside you better than you understand it yourself. Caring for your mind is also an act of faith, not a lack of it.

Today, if just getting out of bed was victory enough, I receive that victory as complete and valid. I don't require you to smile through the pain to please me. I stay here, watching with you, one minute at a time, until the light makes sense in your life again.